[Episode Spoilers] Hey Bachelor Nation! My apologies for my hiatus! I’ve been traveling + been feeling under the weather so I’ve just needed a break. I just finished watching MTA moments ago + I didn’t recap it because I knew I was recapping this. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that we’re doing the after show during the episode. We’re at the Shangri-La in the Maldives, complete with over water villas + I hate them all right now. Becca’s telling us how Blake’s kinda been the one since the beginning + their hearts just recognize each other while it’s been a little slower with Garret (“That’s okay!” –Mom) but she thinks his many sides can fit well into her life. She hasn’t told anyone she loves them because she doesn’t want to pull an Arie. Becca rides a bike IN HEELS to meet her parents. Gosh. I keep picturing myself as the Bachelorette. My dad would not fly to some “godforsaken island” to meet some dude I met on a TV show. Can’t even get him to want to go to Ireland + we’re Irish. We get hugs all around + Becca tells her family how crazy it’s been. She tells them she loves them both but they don’t know. Garrett’s meeting them first.

Garrett

Garret comes over with the weirdest flower bouquet I’ve ever seen. He expects + wants today to be hard because the last guy she brought home was Arie. We are seven minutes in + he’s already been mentioned twice. Was Nick even brought up on Rachel’s season? Why can’t Becca have her damn time?! They’re talking about their dates + how she got to meet his family. They sit down to the saddest meal I’ve ever seen. Garrett remembers Becca’s dad in his toast but that’s so much food that isn’t getting eaten. Becca talks to her mom who asks if she really needs help deciding. She wants advice + insight. She wants to know what dad would say. Mom says dad would feel good that Garrett has said he loves Becca but the skeptic in her reminds her that she came in with Arie the same way she came in with Garrett. Becca says she can completely be herself with Garrett so it’s completely different. Uncle Chuck asks Garrett what happened that he could marry someone + it be over in two months. He never wanted to quit but once he got married, there was a huge fight. She never cared to know his family + wouldn’t do anything to repair it. He plans to really lean on his family + be supportive + there for Becca during the hard times. Cue the tears. I don’t know that I buy them honestly but I haven’t made a boy cry since like the second grade so I mean who knows. Mom says his tears are genuine. Talking to Becca’s sister Emily about how he’d do anything for her + would always be her partner, he cries again. Emily tells Becca he’s incredible + that he cried, which seems to surprise Becca. Another round of hugs + we’re out.

Blake

After some shots of a crab like we’re at Paradise, we return to Becca’s family’s villa. She asks them to treat him like they did Garrett. More hugs with a cheap looking bouquet of daisies + we sit down to talk to everyone together. He talks about how difficult it’s been because he had the first + last dates. He tells Emily about how much he cares about Becca + how attracted he is to strong women. He knows they can be a team. She asks about any challenges he’s faced + he tells her how nervous he was the week before because of the connections she had with others + that’s what made him realize how much he truly cares for her. Emily can definitely see him as her brother + the he could be the one. Becca’s anxiety is starting to kick in. Emily tells her that they’re both amazing. She thinks Garrett would be a wonderful father but with Blake, he says one of the reasons he loves Becca is because she’s a strong, independent woman. She thinks Becca wold be challenged by Blake + he’d be more of a teammate. (PICK BLAKE!) Becca tears up because she always thought it’d be Blake but she kept learning Garrett + that she loves him, too. She thinks Garrett would be a bigger risk because she always thought she’d chose Blake. Blake sits down with mom + she asks if their families would get along. He says they’re incredibly alike so they would. He uses the term “embarrassingly early” to describe how he fell for Becca + it’s just gotten so much better. Mom says he’s as special as she is + says he’ll be okay if he doesn’t get picked. Uh, what?! Who throws someone under the bus like that. Two years ago, JoJo’s dad was telling both Jordan + Robby that she loved them. Now this? Maybe parents should not be involved. Uncle Chuck asks if there’s anything he should be concerned about with Garrett. Blake says that he’d always put Becca first + hopes he gets the chance to prove it. Blake was not mentioned at all in what was aired of Garrett’s time which is irritating. Let Blake have his day! He doesn’t feel good. He’s certain he’s going home. I mean I would be, too.

(Two of the actors from Crazy Rich Asians join Chris on stage in LA but I fast forwarded it because when the cast of Blockers weighed in for a second as they plugged their movie, I got bored.)

Rain falls on the Maldives as Becca tries to unpack everything with her family. Everyone seems to love Blake + think they’re a perfect match partner wise but Uncle Chuck seems to like Garrett + his “soul” better. Okay. Now don’t get me wrong, these were our top two from the start, but I’m so team Blake now (I do know the outcome) that it’s hard to cheer for them both. They care that she chooses the one who challenges her. Emily says that Becca is her soulmate + hopes Becca finds her other soulmate. In talking to her mom, mom thinks her dad would think they were both good men. She says Becca needs to think about who she most wants to be with. Now Becca has to decide who she can’t picture her life without.

The Dates

Garrett

We start with the run-+-jump hug before boarding a boat where they drink champagne, make out + talk about her conversations with her family. Garrett loves that he can be himself with her but they get interrupted by a school (?) of dolphins. I die. This is where Becca would want to die if she could choose. I mean, okay girl. They jump in the water to swim on the equator + he pulls her down by the ankle for some reason. I would send him home right there for that. (If you watched this date please tell me you’re bored.) Becca shows up to his villa + he lists everything he loves about her + even her freckles. They talk about how magical their date was + I mean the dolphins were pretty awesome but I’M STILL BORED! He can’t wait to change a diaper while she gets ready for work or grocery shopping. They talk about fighting + where he’d sleep. She’s nervous about his snoring. The whole night in the fantasy suite, he touched her the whole time. He says he didn’t want her to get away. She asks him to ask her about anything he’s still unsure of but he says he’s aired out everything. He wants her to chose whomever makes her happy even if he’s totally crushed. She says he’s reminded her of her dad since the beginning. He feels like he was talking to both of her parents when he talked to her mom. More kissing. He says she makes him feel like 4th of July all the time + will choose her every single day. The things we want to hear but I would never trust. He makes fun of her accent in his ITM + says he loves her so much he’d let her tear his heart out just to be happy…. aaaaaaand we’re crying again.

Blake

After a disclaimer from Chris that the one who gets his heartbroken will be the most devastating of Bachelor history, we cut to Blake’s final date. Another run-+-jump hug before we hop on bikes to explore the island. The producers would hate me because I couldn’t do any of these biking activities. Then they hop on a stand up paddle board, they swim then talk on a beach. He wants to know what her family thought of him. She says her sister had nothing bad to say about either of them. She tells him how difficult this is for her. He says he’s not closing off from her because they challenge each other. He wants them both to soak in every moment. Becca says in her ITM that he’s such a good match + knowing that, she can’t imagine saying goodbye or having him say goodbye to her. Becca heads over in the rain to see Blake one last time. Blake’s made a time capsule of photos + memories from their dates. This is so cute. Blake is everything she’s looking for.

The Proposal

Becca makes her decision between these two men who love her so much on the deck on an over water bungalow with a letter from her sister. I mean how do I get that live? Asks someone who doesn’t want to date. Garrett practically skips to meet Neil Lane + I’m almost surprised he doesn’t run + jump on Neil. Garrett picks a yellow gold ring + I’m like “nope.” To marry someone, they’d need to know that yellow gold, especially permanent yellow gold like an engagement ring, would not look good on me. In the past 30ish hours I’ve talked to my friend Michelle + my cousin about what I want in a ring so if I ever get there with a guy, talk to them. It’s Blake’s turn to find a ring + I swear this smile is about to explode off his face. He picks a ring that’s similar to what I want: cushion cut, but his has two halos. I only one. Becca says she’s going with the one she can’t see her life without. My heart is breaking because I know who’s getting off the boat first. Becca feels like a monster over what she’s about to do.

Blake arrives first + we know what that means. He’s not the one. How does Chris do it?! How does he know that the first person is going to get crushed + not try to warn them, try to comfort them?! I couldn’t. He covers their whole journey + she’s not smiling but he says he wants to make her smile for the rest of her life. She tells him she always thought he was the one but there’s a better fit for them both out there. He doesn’t expect this + why would he?! He thinks she’s making a mistake + I have to say that from what I’ve seen on TV, I agree. But I do know that I don’t get to see everything. Blake is so crushed + wiping tears on the inside of his jacket. Mine are falling on my keyboard. She tells him he did nothing wrong + that they’re just not the best fit. He says he loves her + starts to walk away. She tries to hug him but he can’t hug her back. She’s devastated, he’s destroyed. He has to put his heart back together alone. We leave the Maldives to see Blake on stage in studio in LA. It’s so hard for him to watch + hard for me, too. Chris asks Blake to stick around + it’s obvious that even though this wrapped months ago, he’s still hurting like it happened last week. He said it was most baffling in the moment because he was so blind sighted.  This relationship was different because it was so easy + natural. Blake wants her to know that as hurt as he is, there are no hard feelings on his end + that he truly wants her to be happy. He says it was hardest watching back seeing them together looking for signs, looking for an answer. He still has questions so they’ll bring her out after commercial.

She comes out, they hug + he tells her she looks amazing… + she does but he was hoping she’d come out in sweats. I hear ya, dude. It sucks when they come out looking so good. But just know you look amazing in your light grey suit! You are wonderful + we love you! He tells her he watched back + did get answers but he wanted to know what helped her choose Garrett. She says there was no moment, she just evaluated both relationships which would fit best in her life. He asked if she had worries about their future + she said no. She was just nervous that he gets in his head. He tells her there’s no hard feelings + I’m sure she appreciates that. She never wants him to question his worth + never wanted to hurt anyone or make him feel the way he did. He feels so lucky that she was his Bachelorette. They’re both still very sad about this. Chris wants to know what “other things” she couldn’t see because it was so good with Blake. She said that their first date was so good that she was sure something would come to rip it away so she guarded it so nothing could hurt it. It was so crazy to her how similar they were. Chris asks Blake what will help him move on + he says he will never be kept down. He can see it in her face that she’s happy + she wants the same for him.

Back on proposal day, Becca is “so ready” for Garrett to come + propose to her. He takes it back to the minivan, the fly fishing + how he just knew. She’s his world. She stops him to tell him she loves him. She accepts his yellow gold ring + offers him her final rose.

When they come out, Chris asks what they’re going to do now. Becca wants a Costco membership, kids, to plant in the tomato fields with Garrett. I am so bored. Can we please go to paradise now? Becca’s so happy to be “out” with Garrett that she’s screaming. Chris asks where Garrett’s head was. He didn’t know it was him but he just wanted to lay it all out there for her. I gotta tell you I stopped listening for a minute because I came back + Becca was talking about sobbing into a breakfast quesadilla. I missed it but I’m not going back because I want to go to Mexico. Chris ask Emily how she feels + she couldn’t be happier for Becca + is so glad that Garrett’s the one. We see footage of their happy couple weekends where they just laugh + kiss + talk about his snoring. Becca bought him a mullet wig so they can stay incognito. They talk about the rosebush they planted + the tomatoes the grew. Garrett addresses his social media likes + Becca doesn’t stand behind is likes which is good to see. The first thing Becca wants to do now is get a Costco membership. They’re gonna move in together but they don’t know where yet. There are no wedding plans yet, they’re just ready to be normal. Becca wants four corgis but she’ll settle for two. Because Thailand meant so much to them, ABC is sending them back as an engagement gift. But wait, there’s more. There’s a gift outside. They head out to one of those creepy old dodge caravans with the wood on the side with soccer balls, a carseat + orange slices.

With that, it’s over. I have nothing more to say about this season. I’ll see you tomorrow when we’re knocking on heaven’s door for BIP. I cannot wait!

xo.