Wednesday Wisdom | “Be your own kind of beautiful.”

So many times during the journey to get Life by Chellie off the ground I’ve wanted to quit. I’ve wondered why I’m doing it. I’m not cool enough or this. The day I sucked it up + decided to take the leap by buy the domain almost two months ago, I was nauseous the rest of the day. I had never made a purchase like this before + I’ve never been so financially committed to something since college. About once a day I need a friend to reassure me that I can do this + I’m cool enough to embark on this crazy journey.

Aside from the anxiety I felt the day I decided this dream would become a reality, I was equally as anxious the day my friend Steph did a photoshoot for me. If there’s one thing in my life I’ve never felt “right” for, it’s modeling. I’m so awkward when I’m being photographed. I listened to every helpful tip Tyra gave over seasons upon seasons of America’s Next Top Model but the application doesn’t work. I don’t look like I should be a model. My butt’s too big (which isn’t actually a problem); my thighs, though smaller than they use to be, are covered in cellulite; I’m always having a “bad face day.” As we all could as we’re all are our own worse critics, I could go on + on. But I won’t.

I warned Steph many times in the days leading up to our shoot that I would  need a ton of direction. I don’t know what to do. I have so many friend who take the cutest “candid” photos but I just look silly. The last time I’d been professionally + intentionally photographed was nine years ago when I had my senior portraits done. The session was not enjoyable + the photographs turned out abysmally. While I’ve seen Steph’s work, I was still nervous. So nervous I asked our friend Ashley to join us to be my hypeman for the day. She psyched me up, played my music, found a funny video to create natural-looking laughing photos + held my keys.

I’m starting to get some of my shots back + while I still think I look silly, I can definitely see that a) I have lost weight+ b) I don’t look totally horrendous. I’m learning to fall in love with myself + learning to see my own beauty when I look in the mirror or at a photo. Sure I’ll never walk in a Victoria’s Secret fashion show or ever feel confident on the beach, but I don’t hate how I look. The pictures look like me, but enhanced. Sure I got a blowout + had my makeup done but that pretty, Midwest-looking blonde is me + I like her. Here’s hoping you fall in love with your own kind of beautiful, too.

xo.