Wednesday Wisdom | “Only those who love you can hear you when you’re quiet.”

I originally discovered this quote on Pinterest this past fall. I couldn’t tell you a lot about what happened from my birthday through November. Aside from fighting a losing battle with incurable tonsillitis, an outpatient tonsillectomy that led to a four day stint in the pediatric wing (“Chellie, I thought you were almost 27?” I am, but it was there or the oncology wing. My room was fish themed. It was cute.), + Gab coming to visit for Halloween, all I did was cry. Why? A boy obviously. And that’s why there’s no relationship advice on this blog. I can’t help you! I’m about to swear off relationships for good so don’t ask me.

I was sitting at my desk taking a Pinterest break, likely scrolling through “Everything.” The image was on the right side of the feed, I remember as if I were looking at it now. I saw it, teared up + took a snap to add to my story. The boy who walked away causing me to cry for three months made me see just who could hear me when I was quiet, when I checked out of social gatherings that I’d planned. But as always, the world spins madly on + eventually you pick yourself up + try again. You have to. It sucks eggs (trying to keep this PG, people! I haven’t achieved Jenna Marbles status yet.), but eventually it must be done. Everyone picks themselves up in different ways + whether you seek counseling take an anti-anxiety or anti-depression medicine or you “pep-talk-yourself-every-moment-of-every-day” like I did + still do, you make the choice that’s right for you. Work couldn’t have me crying every day over a boy. My friends were sick of hearing his name over + over as I wondered why I wasn’t good enough… I made a choice + carried on.

I thought of this quote again as I reflect on this weekend. I showed up for movie night at my friend’s apartment in the quietest + saltiest mood because I thought my friends were intentionally trying to leave me out + being sneaky. Social media has not been my friend lately. I have two ways my mood will manifest if I’m salty. If I’m salty with “Person A” but am with “Person B,” I’m very vocal about my saltiness. But if I’m with the person/people I’m salty with, I just shut down. That is exactly what happened Friday. I’ll be the first to admit it’s not fair, especially because I love my friends so much. So as I was standing + sulking against the kitchen door frame, Gussie turns to me and asks, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you salty?” It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. I don’t think anyone’s ever heard my silence so clearly. But then, I don’t think Gus has ever known me to be quiet unless I’m sleeping + even then I snore.

Sensing my distress but thinking it’s about another topic we’d discussed that morning, Gab jumped to my rescue, knowing I did not feel like discussing that topic. After halfheartedly explaining that I was just “tired + stressed from work,” Gab piped up saying “she’s not salty, I’ve seen her when she’s salty.” Gussie gave me a long look, knowing something else was going on, but thankfully she dropped it as it was obvious I wasn’t going to talk about it. The rest of the night, I assure you I wasn’t pleasant to be around. I hardly offered anything to the conversation. Why would I? I thought they didn’t want me there. Ten minutes into our second movie, I abruptly left as I had a doctor’s appointment + to prep for a photoshoot the next morning.

Sunday morning found Gab + I at our favorite brunch spot, Nookie’s Too, catching up as it was our last day. During her entire visit I’d had one hour of one on one time with her while we were getting ready to go out the week before. In my mind that hardly counted especially because she isn’t moving back to Chicago yet. I was rather insistent we make a stop at Nookie’s before meeting up with the girls. I’d hate to let her leave when the events of Friday + the days leading up to it were still weighing heavily on my heart. My friend Aja told me that if the situation was still bothering me 24 hours after it happened, that I should say something, regardless of my aversion to confrontation. So I did. Gab reminded me she couldn’t be sneaky if she tried, but we discussed everything + by the time we walked into our same friend’s apartment that afternoon for our last wine, apps + girl talk session, everything seemed back to normal.

You never know who cares enough about you to hear you when you’re quiet. I’m trying to make sure my inner circle is only comprised of those people because that’s the whole point of friends, right?

xo.