Bachelor In Paradise | Sun of a Beach, We’re Back!
[Episode Spoilers] It’s the most wonderful time of the year–Paradise Season. In a few moments, Chris will be opening the gates of paradise like the angel he is. So many alums will be back for lord only knows what this season but I’m so excited because we’ll get to see my girl Ashley get engaged where she met her lobster. Also the babies, Jade + Tanner’s Emmy + Carly + Evan’s Bella, will be joining at some point + that’s just going to be the cutest thing. I won’t make you wait any longer, I’ll push play + get this party started!
After what might be THE CHEESIEST BIP into ever, we get a cooking lesson from Chris. “How do you make the perfect Bachelor summer? Well you start with a bowl full of romance, sprinkle in love, add tears + of course toss in your favorite, most memorable bachelors + bachelorettes. And what do you get when you mix all that up? You get the most dramatic season of Bachelor In Paradise ever.” Who are some of these favorites?
Kendall (Arie)
Kenny (Rachel)
Kevin (Bachelor Winter Games)
Krystal (Arie)
Chris (Becca)
David (Becca)
Jordan (Becca)
Annalisse (Arie)
Bibiana (Arie/Bachelor Winter Games)
Wills (Becca)
Tia (Arie)
Paradise is now open. Let the journey begin. Tia walks in first + she’s so happy. She’s been given hope by Raven + Adam’s relationship + is hoping for something similar. For all she knows the next person that comes down the steps could be someone she has a connection with. Next down the steps is our friend Eric, who definitely appreciates Tia’s looks + “it’s miracle season, baby!” Hmm. I don’t know if I see it. Kendall arrives next + honestly it seems weird to me that none of them know each other already. Jordan strolls in next + the four of them sip on drinks + talk about villains. Bibi heads down + immediately asks Jordan about Crystal River, where he’s from in Florida. She wants to know what’s there + he says “kayaks, manatees + me.” I mean I’d never heard of Crystal River before him so he may not be wrong. She asks him if he could teach her to model. Her gag this season is that she’s listening to the vajayjay so that’s a thing. Grocer Joe arrives next + I’m so excited! They asked him what happened. He told hem he freaked out + couldn’t say anything. Kendall is definitely interested. Wills heads in in a cool shirt because obvi. Chelsea heads in next. Eric seems into her. She says it’s one hot person after another. Uh, duh girl. You know what you signed up for. There are people who make it onto this show + people who don’t. I am the latter. Not that I’ve ever applied but I know better.
Kendall is talking to Joe about picnicking in a a cemetery + she lost me. Chris comes in to find almost everyone sitting on the bed in a fashion I find alarming. I like my space. Go find your own beds. Tia thinks Chris is cute but is sure someone better will come along. Colton? Krystal arrives next, much to the chagrin of the ladies from Arie’s season, but they seem to be cordial to her face. Krystal + Joe go off to talk. He’s definitely into her. He’s a man of few words but they seem to be hitting it off. Kevin, Nick + John come down rapid fire + I’m now overwhelmed. It feels like there are too many people here. Nysha arrives next, followed by Angela. Kenny is next with Astrid not far behind. Tia is anxious waiting for Colton. Will he arrive today? Who knows Annaliese arrives + Jordan is definitely excited. Drama is a necessity so David arrives today, too. They exchange a mildly polite handshake. Chris Harrison comes down to let them know that paradise is open + that the nine women have the power this week. They head up to check out their rooms + I’m high key mad I’m not invited to this sleepover.
We’re in boys’ club + girl talk time now + names are being thrown out as to who likes who. Krystal’s caught Wills’ eye + Bibiana’s caught Jordan’s. Joe thinks Tia’s hot. Tia’s being a sourpuss because Colton’s not there. Tia gets the first date card because obviously. Let’s mess with her because she wanted to be with someone who isn’t here. She’s crying because she got a date card. That’s a new one. In a weird twist, she asks Chris on her date. She says in her ITM that she hasn’t been a proper date since Colton. Is it just me or does the tale of Tia + Colton change every time we hear it? Were they in a relationship? Did they go on a couple dates? Did they just randomly bump into each other? I am still very unclear as to the nature of their relationship. So they leave + Joe takes Kendall down, which seriously displeases Krystal. Kendall says she’s surprised that there isn’t a lot of aggressive move making so far but Joe tells her that’s what he’s doing. See, I like these subtle moves. Make me feel comfortable, safe + like it was my idea to make a move. Kendall says he’s awkward, silly + charming. He says she’s his favorite thing about paradise so far. She thinks it’s sweet + he pulls her chin in for the first screened kiss. Way to go Grocer Joe! Do Chicago proud + find love!
While Jordan + Nysha have a really awkward conversation about energy + being a crab (a literal crab, not just cranky), Krystal redirects her attention to Kevin. He thinks she’s the hottest woman there. After what seems like a very short conversation, Kevin swoops in for a kiss + Krystal finally gets to experience pillow lips. Still uncertain that that’s real. Not that I have any particular plans to kiss anyone in the foreseeable future so I’ll be on the dark with this one for a while. On another daybed, Chelsea is hanging out with Nick + he is just not doing a good job at getting her attention. She seems bored + tells him she is not making a first move. She looks like she’s about to fall asleep + he says in his ITM that he loves moms. He says he’d like to make out with her + she says she’s tired + going to bed. Called it. So he just belly flops into the pool to lead us into commercial.
The big group is talking about Tia’s distraction over dinner while she’s up at the Vidanta with Chris. He’s really excited to be with her despite Colton. She addresses it immediately saying that if something was going to happen it would have already. But she chose Chris for the date because she felt a connection with him so here we are. Tia + Chris want to leave with something serious. Okay. Why don’t y’all head home now because there are too many people here + I’m very overwhelmed. Back at home, no one thinks there will be any PDA on this date. They find a light + water show that they take in + end up making out. “Colton who?”
The next morning we find them kissing more which is shocking but exciting everyone. Don’t get excited too quickly though because Colton just walked in. Colton isn’t ruling out anyone + heads in with a date card. Bro hugs all around + Tia is far too excited. He steals Kendall first + they talk about the situation. He pulls Angela next + that conversation makes him want to ask her on his date. She’s really into him, too. Then he finds Tia to ask her on the date. Here’s hoping they have an answer as to what they are after this date. As a group, no one is a fan of the fact that Colton talked to other women before her. They board a yacht + do the sit on the front + talk thing. I’ve never sat there on a boat before. Jordan’s trying to reassure Chris, including compliments about his hair products. Colton tells her he takes her because they really need to address the situation. He tells her that he did fall in love with Becca. He wants to explore this + wouldn’t have wasted a card if he wasn’t here for this. They hop onto a jetski + I’m kinda jelly of this date. They end up spending a lot of making out.
Back at the resort, it’s as if they’re all getting ready to witch hunt Colton. It seems so sketch that he wasn’t interested in her the way he should be + they don’t want him around because they don’t trust that he’s not just here for roses + TV time… When they return, Chris seeks Colton out to talk + it’s time for previews for next week.
That’s it for this week. For those of you who are new, AKA did not follow these Bachelor In Paradise recaps last season, on weeks where there are two episodes, these will be posted after the second episode. So I’ll be writing Monday + Tuesday so you’ll see the posts later on Tuesday night or early on Wednesday. So glad we’re back on the beach.
xo.
