Wednesday Wisdom | Don’t Take Crumbs When You Deserve a Whole Cake
Happy Wednesday, LBC readers! 🙂 I hope you’re rested + excited we’re halfway through the week. I know I am. I had a Wednesday Wisdom quote from my girl Christen‘s Instagram story but after hearing the I Don’t Get It Podcast this week, Christen’s will have to wait until next week. This podcast + this quote from the episode really met me where I am to the point it was the only thing I could + should write about this week.
Dr. Mike Dow joins my favorite ladies this week to answer listener questions about all stages of relationships. This podcast drops on Mondays + the day before I’d been crying about someone I care about very much who only ever offers crumbs. I know I deserve better. I know what I bring to the table, mistakes + all. I know when I’m scared or hurt I use passive aggression as a defense mechanism which is NOT GOOD. Okay, I know that! But I don’t like confrontation so in my mind, this is the better option. I have ended things with this person in my mind so many times + when they pop back up again, I always take them back, believing they’ve changed, believing it’ll be different this time. Spoiler alert: Nothing changes. Everything is the same. Every issue we have is my fault because the other person can’t be held accountable because they’re hurting from a past relationship. Well let me tell you that is CRAP + I’ve told this person that in my head so many times. It bounces back + forth between that + “I miss you.” I know you’re rolling your eyes. I am, too.
Later that morning I’m laying on the couch enjoying my day off + watching the Olympics when my podcasts app alerts me that the IDGI podcast is up. I just stared at my phone screen for a minute taking in the title “Don’t Take Crumbs When You Deserve a Whole Cake.” Like did y’all hear me crying or…? Since this podcast started, I’ve felt like Ashley, Naz + Lauren are my big sisters telling me what I need to hear, things I hadn’t listened to when my own friends have told me, not just about this situationship, but past relationships as well. It seems I’m the serial crumb acceptor. That’s a word now by the way.
And it’s not even just in relationships, it’s in friendships, too. It’s so natural for me to just give, give, give to my people + expect nothing in return + I still think there’s something beautiful in that. But let me also tell you it gets exhausting REALLY fast. No, I don’t expect immediate extrinsic gratification for doing things + showing I care. But it’s not hard to reciprocate once in a while. That’s all I’m saying. It’s really important to maintain a circle that rejuvenates you, builds you up, holds you when you’re broken, especially when you do those things for them. I have taken a hard look at my circle over the past six months + I am quite pleased with my support system. We meet each other where we are + it’s so much more effortless + natural. I never have to do something just to see if they care.
I’m encouraging you to take a look at your team, who you keep close. Are they giving what you give? Do you feel as supported as you support them? Sure there will be ebb + flow as one goes through something + needs extra support. You just need to know that at a time you’re going to need more, they’ll be able to step in for you. It’s so hard to walk away from people you love but as we get older, it’s important to be cognizant of who is around you. I’m too old to have inauthentic relationships both romantic + platonic.
xo.
