Bachelor in Paradise | High School Bullying x Roses

Me running away from plans on Mondays + Tuesdays.

[SPOILERS] “Wat dat mouf do doe?” vs “What is going in your mouth?” We’re playing games with Jack Stone today! This reminds me of a sleepover game I played at my friend Katie’s house in grade school where I ended up crying. Jack eventually loses interest which I don’t even blame him for that, but she gave him a rose so stop bing so cutthroat! She is the best thing that’s going on in Paradise.

Christen, this season’s resident virgin, comes down the stairs rocking a similar outfit silhouette as Sarah did last week. Girl how are you wearing heels on the beach?! She has a date card. If you don’t remember her, she’s the girl from Nick’s season that Liz opened up to about hooking up with Nick at Jade + Tanner’s wedding. After being not so subtly warned not to talked to Derek, Matt or Dean, she’s off to speed date the guys. Jack might be a good match for her, but she seems VERY interested in Matt, who offers himself up for a date. But during her “thinking shots” she’s wearing a different swimsuit underneath her outfit. Okay editing. She asks Matt who immediately accepts. Cue the drama we’ve been waiting for.

Jasmine is clearly unhappy. Matt knows it would take a lot to change the path of his rose, but wants to keep his options open. Pulling a Dean, are we? Jasmine goes to Christen as a woman asking why she’d take Jasmine out. Poor Christen because Matt wanted to go on the date. Raven + Taylor are watching from the door + then run away, but then comfort her, reassuring her that Jasmine would have been upset over whomoever asked him out, it wasn’t personal. I wish I could relate to Christen but I can’t. I don’t know what it’s like to have a guy chose me over someone else. But once in high school, after getting over a crush, his new girlfriend all but threatened me over AIM to stay away from him. #yikes The funny thing? We were basically friends after that. I don’t see things going that way with Jasmine + Christen. Why do men cause so many problems intentionally + inadvertently?

The first stop on their date is a chocolate banana stand where they each get chocolate + coconut dipped bananas. I’d have left right then. I don’t eat either of those three things. But that’s another story for another time. We cut back to the resort where everyone is making fun of Christen. That genuinely makes me sad. I’ve been the victim of that for sure. Back on the date, Christen + Matt stop at a little stand to buy a swimsuit + then they share a drink. Christen is so giddy. It’s so cute! They head for the water in her adorable new suit. No one thinks they’ll have chemistry, but here they are making out in the ocean! Jasmine is sure nothing will happen + she’ll show off in front of Christen. Volcano Jasmine is about to go off! I’m torn though, because I wouldn’t go after someone my friend is interested in, but it also doesn’t feel like Matt is as committed. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that…

Matt + Christen kiss before they go back down the stairs + Matt assures Christen she’ll survive whatever is thrown at her. Jasmine throws herself all over Matt, then leaves to shower. She’s excited to share about her date + I can’t blame her for that. She + Matt talk over her shrimp + veggies before Jasmine comes up. Christen removes herself to talk to Amanda, Sarah + Wells + they can’t stop laughing at Christen + a story that was shared that is so incredibly mean. Christen goes to Matt’s room so Jasmine comes to find them. But suddenly Christen is gone. Jasmine jokes that she’s going home. Christen’s changed + is eating shrimp tacos. I am here for all the girls eating this season!

It’s game night here at the resort. Scattegories has everyone sitting around a plate of fried food + Dean makes a team DLo comment + Kristina’s face gives her sadness away. Robby pulls Amanda away to the little pool he’s put glowsticks in. Cheesy? Yes. Cute yes. After some quick talking, she’s ready to return to the group + rejects his kiss AGAIN! Stay strong, girl!

Sarah pulls Adam aside trying to see where his head is at. He’s very non-committal to Sarah. She doesn’t want to waste her time on a man who doesn’t know if his feelings are real.

Dean gets drinks with DLo but then Kristina pulls him away. Kristina cuddles with him on one of the beds. He’s also non-committal to Kristina. He wants to keep DLo around but doesn’t think Kristina should be very concerned about DLo getting his rose. Honestly their relationship is so confusing. MAKE. A. DECISION. DEAN! Jeez. Dean is truly a disappointment to me. He’s really showing his immaturity + how unready he is to be our next Bachelor…

So now we have to check in with Derek + Taylor. Taylor is telling Derek that they need some kind of space + that when he is faced with something, he abandons it + runs away. He drops an “F you” to her, supposedly sarcastically but it’s disrespectful to her + she needs to remove herself for a few minutes. Impressive. I’d have been done. Taylor doesn’t feel he gets that she feels minimized when she’s communicated with that way. It seems like this could be a dealbreaker for her + he asks to kiss her. KISSING DOESN’T FIX EVERYTHING! She’s too emotionally exhausted + needs some space to be with herself. She is the queen of knowing who she is, what she deserves + what she won’t tolerate. I need to take some lessons…

The next morning, Taylor + Dominique (who I forgot was even here) are talking about the conversation. Derek is doing the same with his boys. She thinks the relationship is over + is contemplating leaving. Dang it, Derek. I get blowing up. But dang! So uncalled for! Not that I haven’t made stupid comments that have pissed of a significant other more often than I’d care to admit. I swear I could slap myself in the face every three days over it.

As Chris talks to everyone prior to the “cocktail time” that preceeds the rose ceremony, I can’t help but wonder why this group feels so big! Chris hints that there will be a bomb dropped because you never know what could happen in paradise. Come on, dude! Raven pulls Adam aside first where they have a decent conversation + he tells her not to worry about Raven. They kiss + go frollicking down the beach. Sarah is talked in to going to Adam by Robby. She wants Adam’s rose + is so open about it. I respect it so much but if it were me, I feel like I’d just word vomit + he’d run away. He tells her they have a different type of firework.

Diggy pulls Lacey to the side + I’m anxious for this conversation. He wants to know how she’s feeling. She’s upset + he doesn’t know why. He didn’t think he had to check in with her. Not cool, bro. She’s very disappointed + rightly so. Diggy informs her he’s giving Dominique his rose which basically ensures her ticket home.

Dean’s using his time with Kristina to explain why DLo deserves to be here “more than some others.” But he also says that he cares more about how she feels rather than DLo. Dean then steals DLo from Ben Z. She wants a straight answer + thinks both she + Kristina deserve that. I respect her so much for that for caring about the other woman rather than being greedy. DLo isn’t going to sit there + tell him what to do. She tells him to “Man up + make a decision” then he kisses her. That’s mixed signals! Not cool, bro!

Robby brings Amanda hotel slippers for her girls. She tells him he’s hot temperature wise, but he thinks it’s that she’s attracted to him. He goes in for the kiss + gets her neck. They walk down the beach, find themselves on a bed + Amanda tells him he’s been doing everything right. He asks to do one more thing right + gets the kiss. I respect Amanda so much for waiting for the right moment. She has a heart to protect + two little girls she has to think about. While I don’t have kids, I can stand to learn a lot from Amanda as well.

Wells has a puppet in is ITMs + I’m not here for it. CAN YOU ALL FREAKING STOP MAKING FUN OF CHRISTEN! THIS IS NOT OKAY. I’m not here for all this bullying.

Taylor has to have a difficult conversation + is the queen of the “I” statements. But Derek mans the heck up + apologizes. Take notes, Dean. You can really tell Derek cares about Taylor. I appreciate a man who can apologize + wants to be part of a team, not just out for themselves. I don’t know a lot of men who can do that.

Christen talks to Matt + tells him she gets along with everyone. So then Matt does the nice guy thing where he doesn’t want to get in the middle + senses Jasmine’s instability in the situation. He feels like both of them deserve to be there but doesn’t think her rose is going to come from him. My heart hurts. He tells Jasmine there was something was holding him back from Christen + something that holds him back from her as well. Jasmine tries to tell him to take it easy but he’s ready to go home. Uh what? There aren’t enough roses as it is! Three girls are already going home. Are five going to go home now? But Jasmine is super respectful which I respect because I know she’s hurting. She really cares for him.

With only a few minutes left, it’s obvious we’re not going to get a rose ceremony. These minutes will be spent watching everyone react to the fact that Matt leaves. Everyone is supporting Jasmine while Christen gets the resident therapist. Wells thinks Matt should have given a rose out then peaced out. Jack + Jasmine discuss the possibility of her getting his rose. Jack tries to keep her from being so hard on herself which is very sweet. But then Christen talks to Jack about her virginity + he’s been kind enough to understand. So suddenly they’re making out. It’s a Hail Mary but hey! It could work.