Wednesday Wisdom | Don’t Wait for Someone to Bring You Flowers. Plant Your Own Garden + Decorate Your Soul.

I had two images of what I thought my life would look like today, on the downswing to 28. Both were very similar. The first was that I got married at 24 to my high school sweetheart, was now wrapping up my fifth year of teaching Kindergarten at some swanky private school, I had one child named after my husband + we’d be trying for our second of four soon. The second image has me getting married this past Saturday, also to my high school sweetheart. I always wanted to get married Memorial Day weekend like my parents + had I gotten married four days ago, mom + I would have been the same age when we got married. I’d be working in campus ministry at a high school, but likely not my alma mater. Can we all please make a collective sigh of relief that I did NOT get married to my high school sweetheart + be grateful that I’m not stuck with him for the rest of my life? See I have this habit of being most attracted to guys who put me pretty far down on their priority list, which is actually kind of funny seeing as I make it well known when someone is doing that to a friend of mine. I’m always the one who loves more + is more invested. I don’t know how to not put my whole self into something. I always jump straight to the end of the metaphorical Hokey Pokeys of life.

Both of these images included one thing, expecting my now ex to complete the picture. Everything else I could do for myself. I could have taught Kindergarten on my own. I could have adopted a child or gotten a sperm donor, I could have worked in campus ministry as a single gal, but to complete these fantasies, I needed him. Ugh. I’m not at all saying marriage is bad! I’m just saying sitting around waiting for someone to complete your life is so silly. In the five + a half years we were together on + off, the kid never once gave me flowers. I mean, obviously that’s not the point but still. You can’t wait around for someone to be who you want them to be. You just have to create a life that brings your soul joy. If that attracts someone to you, great! If not, you are perfectly wonderful with your dope soul all on your own. If I don’t get married, that’s okay. I’ve already made peace with the fact that I won’t teach again or ever work in campus ministry. Who knew that decorating my own soul with a job in the corporate world would give me more than I ever had teaching? I sure didn’t, but here we are. So boys can do their own thing. I’ll be over here living my best life.

xo.